It’s this cage I’m trapped in.
Continuously around people,
But still in solitary confinement.
This world I’m livin’ in…
Only as big as this cell of depression.
Depression…
Eating away at me like I’m
Its last meal on death row,
I know it’s there,
With every breath of air,
It tears me apart.
But I don’t even know where to start.
Every time I inhale,
I feel like I’m in hell.
And when I exhale,
I expel these emotions
Always feelin’ like I’m gonna fail.
And every time I tell someone,
I feel like I lose another part of myself.
Always livin’ like I’m someone else…
But it doesn’t stop there…
Anxiety…
the bars of the cage I’m withheld in.
I’m so hell-bent on conquering these emotions.
But I lack the confidence.
I got anxiety in my ear
Tellin’ me I’m never going near
The God that I constantly fear.
As these tears escape from my eyes,
I cut ties with anyone who comes near.
IM RIGHT HERE GOD.
Tell me it’s gonna be okay.
Every time I come to you I go further into dismay.
Sure, it’s somewhere to escape to,
But I feel like all I did was dig a hole to
Another kind of cell.
The cell looks and feels similar.
But this doesn’t feel as familiar as the other…
Hopelessness…
God, you were the one constant in my life
But now everyday,
this strife between us
Multiplies and grows
And I feel like
It won’t stop
Until I die
Or you you finally show…
Yourself.
Through this depression I used to have hope.
But now I just can’t cope
with the fact that
I’m held by this chain of lost faith.
How long is this gonna take?
I wish I knew you were there…
It would give me something to look forward to.
It would give me light
that no matter what happens,
I would go through life knowin’ you.
But I don’t know what’s true.
I’M STILL TRAPPED
IN THIS CAGE OF HOPELESSNESS
WITH THE BARS OF ANXIETY.
but at least I’m not in my cell of depression
Any longer
At least not as much…
Occasionally I catch a glimpse of the cage I was once trapped in.
But since I tried to escape
My sentence was extended.
Until God says it’s ok
To leave.
But first I gotta hear him say
Something…
Please…. anything…
Get me out of this prison…
But the reality is that he has always
been holding his hand
out to me.
But this whole time
my eyes and mind have
Been blind…
To his glory.
He has always been holding the key
To my cell.
The key to the door of this hell
I’ve been trapped in.
But every time he wants to hold my hand,
I plant my palms over my ears
and ask him why I can’t hear him.
He’s screaming at me.
Trying to get through to me.
But as soon as I start to hear something,
Another pair of hands covers my ears.
And another drowns me,
Puts a frown on my face,
Puts thoughts in my head
causing me to be down
And forget about Jesus’ bloodshed.
Jesus died for me and
I won’t even give him the time of day.
I should start speaking to him
But instead
I say I SHOULD pray,
I HAVE TO pray.
Those hands will never leave My ears
unless I read,
Pray,
And grow near
to Him.
Because the closer I get to him,
He can begin
to take those hands off my ears,
And forgive me of my sins.
He can hand me the key
And start to speak into me.
I just got to go through the process
Of the slow crawl from the corner of my cell
To the point where I can put hell
Under my heel,
And feel like I can
Live out the life
The Jesus has so graciously given to me.
I can also go on the walk through the prison halls
To help others take their hands off their ears
And give Jesus their all.
The grit that this takes
To crawl out of our pit
And SPIT
In the devil’s face
Is difficult to acquire,
But worth all the fire and brimstone
That you will step through.
If we show our grit,
We can identify our gift,
And begin to unlock it.
Let’s be strong in Jesus
And continue to run and grow
And find our grit within us.
Together!
We will break free from the chains of our prison!
And stand by Jesus forever.
Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash
